Tips on living a healthy and full life

What to say to someone who is depressed, especially your mom or dad

Mental health is a complex and, unfortunately, often misunderstood subject. Depression is a major part of mental illness, and it’s never easy knowing what to say to someone who is depressed. It’s even more difficult when that person is your mom or dad.

Depression is defined as a mood disorder that causes a persistent sadness and loss of interest in activities that one used to enjoy. The disorder can affect how a person feels, thinks, and behaves. It might also lead to a variety of emotional and even physical problems.

What does depression look like in older adults? The symptoms of depression in older adults aren’t always easy to spot, and may be mistaken as just a normal part of getting older. Some symptoms might include tiredness, irritability, trouble sleeping, and an inability to complete the small tasks of daily life, like eating or bathing.

Research has shown that elderly adults may be more likely to become depressed if there are certain risk factors involved like genetic predisposition or other medical conditions, such as heart disease or cancer.

It’s true that depression is common among older adults, but it’s not a normal part of aging. In fact, studies show that life satisfaction among Canadian seniors is actually higher than that of younger people.

Too many caregivers fret over the right or wrong things to say to their depressed family member. While there isn’t a single best approach, you might want to consider simply being direct and honest.

So, what should you say if you think your mom or dad is depressed?

Generally speaking, there are some helpful ideas on what to say to someone who is depressed. There are also a few things that aren’t helpful and might be wise to avoid. Let’s take a closer look at these scenarios so that you can be better equipped if you think your mom or dad is depressed and how you might gently approach the idea of getting them properly assessed for depression.

What to say to someone who is depressed

Not everyone with depression will want to talk about it. And it’s important to realize that you can’t force your mom or dad to open up about their feelings if they don’t want to. However, there are a few things you can say that will, at the very least, help to express how much you love them and care about their well-being.

“I care.”

It’s one of the simplest things you can say, but often one of the most effective. Someone with depression might feel that they don’t matter to anyone in the world. The fact that you’re there telling them otherwise might make a difference. Just letting Mom or Dad know that you care about what they’re going through may be the first step to a wider discussion.

Keep in mind that not everything you say is guaranteed to make an impact. No matter how much you want to help, you can’t control someone else’s feelings. This can be very frustrating, but you can still let your parent know how much you care.

“I’m here to help. What can I do?”

Depression can make even the most mundane tasks harder. Even something as simple as getting out of bed might be daunting when your mom or dad is depressed. Being physically present to actively help might remind them that they are not alone.

More than just telling your parent that you’re there for them, ask what you can do specifically to help them. You might even suggest doing a few simple tasks, like helping with yard work or getting their groceries. These basic activities can prove nearly impossible for someone suffering from depression.

“Do you want to talk?”

Remember: Mom or Dad might not want to talk about their depressed mood, but just having the option can be helpful. That’s why reminding your parent that you’re there to talk with them if they want to, or gently suggesting that they talk with a health care professional, is a good idea.

“Does the doctor know how you’re feeling?”

Depression is a very real illness. This means it’s often treatable and manageable. Encourage your mom or dad to talk with their doctor if they’re feeling depressed, because there are options for resolving the issue. Be honest with your parent: Tell them that you’re concerned about their well-being and that you think a health care professional’s opinion might be helpful.

“This is one of the most difficult things you can experience. But know that you’re not alone.”

The isolation that a depressed person feels is one of the hardest things to cope with. When you acknowledge their pain and remind Mom or Dad that they’re not alone, you’re letting them know that they’re being seen and heard. This isn’t easy and there are no quick solutions. But you can let them know that you are truly there for them. Knowing this might help your parent remember their own value and worth.

“It’s OK that you feel this way. There is hope.”

There is often a sense of shame or embarrassment on the part of the depressed person. Many people with depression sometimes feel that there is something wrong with them, or that they have no “real” reason to feel depressed. On the other hand, there are those who may feel there are good reasons to be depressed.

Let Mom or Dad know that it’s OK for them to feel the way that they’re feeling, and that it’s not their fault. Depression is a legitimate health condition that affects millions of people, and countless individuals have learned to manage mental illness with the help of therapy, medication, and lifestyle changes — your mom or dad can, too. Make sure that they know help is available and it’s nothing to be ashamed about.

What not to say to someone who is depressed

Elderly woman sitting at beach

Just as there are a few things that might be helpful for a depressed person to hear, there are some things that will feel more like a judgement or a dismissal. It’s a wise idea to avoid saying the following statements.

  • “Everything will be fine, I promise. It’s just a hard time.” This is dismissing the problem and may only make Mom or Dad feel that you’re ignoring their feelings. Plus, promising that things will be fine is just an empty platitude.
  • “I don’t know what you have to be sad about. Just cheer up!” People with depression cannot “just cheer up.” Telling Mom or Dad that you don’t understand why they’re depressed isn’t helpful, and it only contributes to the feelings of shame and confusion that can surround depression.
  • “Snap out of it.” Again, people suffering from depression don’t have the luxury of simply “snapping out of it.” This kind of language is crude and dismissive.
  • “There are people far worse off than you.” Comparing one person’s depression to the suffering of other people is, for one thing, a false equivalency. It’s also very unhelpful. Your parent will only feel judged that their suffering isn’t “worth it.”

When is it time to seek professional help?

What to say to someone who is depressed

It’s important to recognize that depression, and mental illness as a whole, is a serious medical condition that you are not likely to be fully equipped to deal with. Do not think that you have to solve the problem all by yourself or that it’s your duty to even do this.

On the contrary, your parent might need professional help from a doctor or counselor. Take the issue seriously, because there is always a risk of suicide when it comes to depression.

Pay attention to your parent’s behavior and mood. Are they withdrawing from activities and becoming more isolated from other family members or friends? Are they sleeping too much or too little? Are they misusing or abusing medications? Maybe they’ve started talking about having no reason to live, or expressing suicidal thoughts. If you’ve started noticing these warning signs, it’s time to seek help.

Make sure your parent has access to the Canada Suicide Prevention Service’s hotline number: 1.833.456.4566. Find local resources and support groups in the area where you live. And as always, encourage your parent to talk with their own doctor or a mental health professional if they’re experiencing symptoms of depression or having suicidal thoughts.

What to say if mom or dad is depressed

If you think that your parent is depressed or if they’ve admitted to struggling with difficult feelings, it’s important to make them aware that you’re there for them during these hard times and you’re willing to help.

Let them know that it’s alright for them to feel the way they feel, and that you’re there to talk if they want to. There is no easy answer about what to say to someone who is depressed. But you want to avoid saying things that dismiss their feelings or make them feel judged.

If your parent is experiencing suicidal thoughts, or outwardly expressing feelings of sadness or a desire to end their life, seek professional help right away.

Have you dealt with depression yourself, or know someone who has? Have you helped your mom or dad through a depressive episode? We want to hear more about your own personal experience.

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  • Grace
    Fri Oct 25 2019, 12:10
    Our mom has suffered from depression on and for years. We have tried alot of the techniques in your article. We have asked her to go and talk to a professional and she refuses. She has said that all she needs is her family around her. We do care for her well being but we are adults now with children of our own and fulltime jobs and simply cant be there all the time. Any suggestions?
  • nykaylah
    Wed Sep 02 2020, 13:28
    my mom is depressed it hurts but what this article is saying is true try to give your mom/dad time. to heal dont be so demanding or pushy depression is not a game and if you know its getting worse seek professional help i love to talk to my mom or make her laugh on the days i know she feeling down i also like to help out more around the house and try. to explain to my little sibling that mom is going through something. if you have little siblings and your mom/dad is going through a state of depression dont yell at them if they do something wrong explain to them whats going on (like i said before ) of course they wont understand but here are some things you could say "hey mommy/daddy dosent feel to good could you sit down please" or hey mommy/daddy is a-little stressed out today" this will make them wanna help because they realize whats going on remember that if your parent is depressed you are not alone theres millions of other people standing beside you going through it to.
  • Grace
    Thu Oct 22 2020, 20:58
    My mom is very quite and over the year she is being to change, and not in the best way. Normaly we would go on walks and play together as a fmailey. Now a days she has a tarbale sleep scdual and she is always stressed out, she works and she presently found out that I had deprestion. I feel like that had an effect on her because she different around me and I think that she thought she was a bad parent. I'm the only one how see's that she has deprestion nobody else in my family know's. It's sad to think that my mother is depressed. I wish I could help her and I'm trying my best to, but I don't want to mess up and stress her out more.
    • JaneVock
      Fri Nov 06 2020, 08:50
      Hi Grace,Thanks for sharing. You sound like a loving daughter. Expressing this love through sharing what you have noticed in terms of changes in your mom is an option. I don't think this kind of sharing "messes" anyone up or creates stress, especially when it is coming from love. Take good care, Jane
  • Madeline
    Sat Jan 09 2021, 21:19
    im only 13 with no siblings and my mom is in an episode where she says she doesn't want to be awake because she hates life and sleeps 20 hours a day. She is also a single mom so she has no one to talk to. She ignores me half the time and looks angrier whenever she sees me. Please help. I miss my mom
    • JaneVock
      Fri Jan 15 2021, 09:16
      Hi Madeline,Thank you so much for reaching out. I would suggest you first start by reaching out for yourself. This is too much for you to be dealing with alone. Please consider calling or reaching out to Kids Help: There are counsellors you can talk to (or text): You can reach a professional counsellor at Kids Help Phone 24/7 by calling 1-800-668-6868. Or if you prefer to text, text CONNECT to 686868. Their texting service is free and available across Canada 24/7. Or if phoning is a problem you can access through Facebook Messenger: Did you know you can use Facebook Messenger to access Kids Help Phone’s free, 24/7 e-mental health support? You can get confidential support across Canada from their trained, volunteer crisis responders using the Facebook website or the Messenger app! Please take care of yourself first by reaching out for more support.Jane
  • Geetha
    Sat Jan 30 2021, 12:58
    My mom is really sad and depressed.. We are really scared.. We dont want to loose our mother. Please help me. We love her a lot . shes really hurt and doesn't stand up for herself, I can't take names because its our relatives that are hurting her mentally, shes really is hurt. Please help me to help her, I can't see her in this state any more. Please call me on +91 9591639866
    • JaneVock
      Tue Feb 16 2021, 10:30
      Hi Geetha,I am so sorry to hear this. Unfortunately I am unable to link you to resources because I see you are in Connecticut. I would suggest calling your other's doctor to voice your concerns.Jane
  • Gabi
    Tue Feb 23 2021, 23:46
    My mom is depressed and has anxiety, she is 32. I don’t know what to do or say. She straight up told me that she is worthless and I want to help. So this is like the third site I am on looking for what to say and do I guess?
    • JaneVock
      Tue Jun 08 2021, 14:36
      Hi Gabi,Here are some tips on how to manage this very difficult situation you are living with.
  • Asia
    Tue Mar 16 2021, 14:30
    My mother has been struggling with depression since before I was born. I have a bigger brother but he's at university in another country and he can't help me or her. I don't have any other siblings, it's only me and her. I've recently turned 14. She's been diagnosed as bipolar and suffering from depression. I'm not a funny person. I don't make people laugh. I don't make people smile. I'm not that kind of person. Multiple times she told me about how she wants to end her life and I don't know what to do. She's single and has no one to talk to. She barely talks to her friends and wants me to stay with her, but I'm tempered with her and every time we talk we end up fighting. I don't really know what to do. I know it's not my duty, but I want to help her, and I feel like I should. Like she deserves it. She tried going to psychologists, but she says they can't help her anymore. Some years ago I started changing houses every two weeks, from my mother's to my father's, but I'm now staying more with her, to try to make her feel less alone. I want to be by myself in my room, but she's hurt by that. She always overthinks everything I or other people do or say. My father's house is a safe place for me. My mother's house, instead, is a place I'm always slightly scared to come to. A place where when I realize that I'm staying at hers, I have to take a deep breath and say "today it will be different. Today it will be better". I want her to feel better. I want to help her. If I don't, who will? She says she only has me. Because my brother is in another country and she doesn't have a family. I tried, but I don't know what to do. I just want this to end. I just want her to be happy. I remember that once she actually tried fighting it, when she was younger, but she stopped. She says she doesn't have the strength anymore. I know there's people with bigger problems, that have to deal with more, that are not as lucky as I am. But I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say.
    • JaneVock
      Tue Jun 08 2021, 14:37
      Hi there Asia,I am sorry to hear you have been living with this difficult situation for literally years. These tips may help you: reach out for support for yourself. Take good care, Jane
  • Michelle
    Sat Mar 20 2021, 04:54
    A year ago my adoptive dad had to place my mom in a nursing home for dementia. He’s in a diffrent retirement home in a different city and is 87. He just recently had 2 operations to remove skin canver from his head and has fallen into a depression. I talk to my mom via video chat every week. My dad does not want to talk that way but I call him about every 3rd day to a week. They reallymdont have many years left and this is crushing me to see my adoptive parents separated from each other and no human contact due to covid.I have struggled all my life with depression due to being adopted and MANY many medical problems throughout my 53 years. I’m frightened because I am struggling myself and trying to stay out of a depression. Every time I call my dad he’s depressed and once I hang up the phone I feel crushed and emotionally drained. I have 3 adoptive siblings but my sister is nasty and my 2 brothers live far away and remain distant. I dont think my dad hears from my brothers very much.Just starting to feel really down. Thank goodness I have my HUGE cross stitch project I am working on which is helping me. I know having some hobbies would help my dad but he’s stubborn and well depressed and when your in a depressed state sometimes there’s no pulling you out of it.Thanks for listening and sorry for the typos!
    • JaneVock
      Mon Apr 05 2021, 09:44
      Thanks for sharing Michelle. I was really glad to hear that you have a hobby -cross stitching- that is a good distraction and a good way to keep your mood elevated to some degree. Take good care, Jane
  • Qussai
    Wed Apr 07 2021, 19:34
    My mom is extremely toxic cause of my father, she married him on a very young age and he gave her the worst traits she has depressive symptoms and she is in complete denial to talk about it she has anxiety as well, she doesn't go out, she has no friends, all she does is take care of my older brothers who are in their 30s and she treats them like babies and they're taking advantage out of it. She always keeps saying things about ending her own life as a threat when doesn't like something, she's too possessive and want to control her grown up children's life. She's too protective in an illogical way. And she keeps complaining about her health all the time, and if there isn't a any problem in her life, she will create one. She never goes out at all, only to call her sisters occasionally. I dont know what to do with her, I wanna help her but I know she'll dismiss me and never take me seriously and even if I tried my best she'll change the subject or tells me to shut up at the end Please help me, I am in desperate need for help.
    • JaneVock
      Tue Jun 08 2021, 14:42
      Hi there Qussai,It sounds like you could use some support and tips on taking care of yourself during this difficult situation. This may be helpful to you: Take good care.
  • Trish
    Thu Apr 15 2021, 08:31
    I am 19, turning 20 this december. I am so much emotionally down since the last 2 week because my mom is suffering from depression. She prefers isolating herself from all things, sleeps too much, talks too little, eats negligible, and only says how much she think life is meaningless. I am a single child and I do not have any sibling, things are becoming too harsh to handle because I have no one to talk to, I love her the most in this planet, I want her to recover, I am trying my best to help her out of this.
    • JaneVock
      Tue Jun 08 2021, 14:41
      Hi there Trish, please consider reaching out for support for yourself as well as trying to help your mom. To that end, here are some tips/resources for you:
  • Shivanjali Nandani
    Mon Apr 19 2021, 23:37
    My mother has depression. She has been on medication for quite a few years and has had mandatory counselling, I believe this may have evolved from childhood depression due to family dynamics within her household (9 brothers and sisters with sons being preferred over the daughters). It is excruciatingly hard when a parent goes into a depressive state, as I have had to parent my sister and manage the household whilst this has happened. She is an amazing mom but it becomes hard to pull her out of her dark hole once it hits hard. I would liken it to standing in quick sand whilst pulling the sufferer out of the sand itself. You run the very real risk of going under yourself especially since I have been stepping into the adult role from the age of twelve (my sister was born at this time). There is also a history of domestic violence between my parents and due to the complicated nature of our household hierarchy/relationships/income and economy in our country, a divorce has not been a viable option. I love my mother and recently I have discovered the best way to get her to cope is to talk to her like I am her coach. I stand zero nonsense from her, and often we find talking through her fears, anxiety and feelings, often pin pointing the root of the problem and airing it has helped a great deal. Sometimes internalizing an issue and keeping it to herself has lead to festering which in turn leads to anxiety and her episodes. Often, by the end of the "session" we have figured out a viable solution to the "issue/setback" and put a plan in place to implement it. It may not work for everyone but it has worked for us. I often times tire her out with exercise, then discuss the issues with her. She has a good cry and I lend an ear and shoulder. I have my own life, true, but I love my mom and the episodes lately have been getting less with intervention from her doctor and counsellor. The three point system has greatly helped and with our sister who is now in university also pitching in (she is very frank) my mother has been finding things a little easier. This may not help everyone but I thought I would share it here in case it works for someone.
    • JaneVock
      Tue Jun 08 2021, 14:40
      Your mother is most fortunate to have you. Please do take good care of yourself in the process. To that end, these tips may be helpful to you: Thanks so much for sharing.
  • Sam
    Thu Apr 22 2021, 00:59
    Im 31. My mother refuses to take her meds for anxiety and depression. She "forgets". She threatens to live in her car, quit her job, kill herself.... and blames it on me for trying to live my life. I haven't gotten married because of her. There are several issues there. I dont know what to do anymore.
    • JaneVock
      Tue Jun 08 2021, 14:34
      Hi Sam,It sounds like you could really use some support and professional help. I suggest you first reach out to your doctor and explain what has been going on and that you need support and professional help for yourself. Please take care of yourself!
  • karla
    Thu Apr 22 2021, 16:16
    My dad is suffering from depression and I'm trying to talk to him but he doesn't listen and he can't open up about his feelings. He thinks that no one loves him no matter what we say or do to show that we care about him. It's also hard for me because he gets negative and hateful towards others without a particular reason and It's draining. On occasions he gets aggressive outbursts and then it's impossible to talk to him.
    • JaneVock
      Tue Jun 08 2021, 14:38
      Hi Karla,This sounds like a really difficult situation for you. You may find these tips and resources helpful: Take good care, Jane
  • SK
    Fri Apr 23 2021, 05:14
    Sometimes depression doesn't manifest in the symptoms that everyone expects. Depression, especially in parents, can be under the surface and they can still feel like they need to fulfill the obligation of being parents. This can lead to even more resistance and upset feelings because they feel like they need to be perfect, yet they know they can't be. Its important for parents (especially immigrant parents) to know that they can't be perfect all the time and talking about it can help them deal with that expectation. Some fathers even feel like they can't talk about their emotions because it will negatively affect the child, but its important to remember that if you repress your feelings, they may come out in a different way that you're not aware of. The concept of projecting your own insecurities and feelings onto others is a relatively new one but this unconscious behaviour can be damaging to whole family dynamic. It may feel like you are doing ur child a favour by not telling them how you feel but it can end up hurting them anyways. Its important to recognize that nobody is perfect so you can't expect them to be, all you can do (with family) is be understanding, curious, loving, and ultimately there for each other. If this support base is not established, it can make the healing harder but it's important for parents to realize that it's okay to not be okay and showing that vulnerability to your children is part of emotional growth and teaching. The educational system is supposed to prepare us for 'real life' in the work force, but working on emotional growth with your family is just as, if not more, important. This is just a thought, for people who are struggling with parents who try to 'look strong' but may take it out on their children.
    • JaneVock
      Tue Jun 08 2021, 14:31
      Thank you SK for your wise and thoughtful response!
  • Justice Anderson
    Wed May 26 2021, 12:39
    Hello im 19 years old and i have a mother whos been really depressed lately i try my best to make her happy i recently found out the reason she is acting ike this and its because of an issue she had at work she is a probation officer and she had a very scary voilent moment that made her question "am i going to die today" and ever since shes been so different i feel terrible for her and want to help her in the best way it breaks my heart to see her not sleep and cry everyday she did get counciling for herself tho which im very happy she did that and she has the best group of friends that anyone could ask for but this really helped me in so many ways that i could probally use these tecniques for my freinds too thanks so much
    • JaneVock
      Thu Jun 03 2021, 13:57
      Hi Justice,Thanks so much for sharing. I am glad to hear you Mom went for counselling and has supportive group of friends, and obviously quite a supportive daughter as well! Take good care.
  • Michelle
    Fri Jun 18 2021, 12:02
    Thank you for addressing this issue. Your suggestions will be utilized Thanks for being here
    • JaneVock
      Mon Jun 21 2021, 16:14
      Dear Michelle,Wishing you all the best!
  • Lisa dunnohew
    Fri Jul 30 2021, 22:44
    My dad has been in a lot of pain fir three long years of back pain He is suffering and it breaks my heart I cannot help So many doctors tried to help but not succeedI wish I could take the pain for him My father is my Rick my best friend and can’t imagine life with out him I feel he’s slipping away He’s 86 years if age He’s always been active we’ve always traveled together and my father raised four children on his own back in the 1970’s No everyone has a story from my dad worked three jobs for us kids to raise us and make sure that we had clothes and food and we went to school every day with lunch money and make sure that he kept us busy in activities where there was football cheerleading violin lessons being lessons bowling every Saturday that man worked around the clock for us kids and it breaks my heart to see him suffering and work so hard he was in the Korean war he served this country probably and he had a good life for the past three years he always had hope not or you get it just seems like people just don’t care they just want to give you a steroid injections whatever they can do just a mess the pain but that doesn’t work he’s done so much research more than a doctor does he could’ve been a doctor SeriouslyMe and is the most amazing father friend I could ever ask for in my entire life he brought me into this world with love kept me strong kept me grounded taught me morals and values back in those days it was unusual to have a father take care of four kids he could’ve walked away easily but he didn’t and I’m proud of him and I’m proud to say that he’s my dad now I feel hopeless and I don’t know what to do I don’t know what to say I’m in Florida he’s in Ohio I talk to him every day sometimes twice a day just do as voice we’ve talked many hours over the years talking about his childhood and his time in the war until where he is now I’m a true witness Well value for the rest of my life I don’t know what to do who to go to I’m a very strong person but I’m feeling very weak right now I wish I had the right word sir solutions resolutions to help my dad he does not deserve this no one deserves us has no quality of life please help me I need some advice
    • JaneVock
      Tue Aug 03 2021, 09:53
      Hi Lisa,What a loving, heartfelt tribute you have provided about your father and your relationship with him. Thank you for sharing.
  • User50109
    Sat Aug 28 2021, 23:14
    Im 15 with 3 siblings and a dad. My mom is 38 and the doctor diagnosed her with depression. There has actually been alot going on my great aunt that raised her died, my brother went off to college and she recently had a misscarage. I am really new to this and I want my mom to get better I want to learn how to help her without messing anything up. My mom is not really open to me but I always tell her I am here for her. She will sometimes sit there and cry and I really do not know what to do. I really do not want to loose her.
    • JaneVock
      Wed Nov 24 2021, 10:56
      Hi User50109,Aside from encouraging your mom to go back to her doctor for further assistance with her depression, and loving her up, as you are clearly doing, there isn't really anything else for you to do. AND what you are doing is a lot and it matters.
  • Connie
    Fri Sep 03 2021, 00:16
    Hey, I just turned 15 and my parents are using me as their personal therapist. My dad has been more depressed then ever for the past 5 years, I am very stressed now that school started and I have to take my own mental health into account. I love my parents very much but they also have relationship issues. I wanna help them but I can’t. This hurts me so much as I try to tell them to hold on. I’m there for them but they don’t listen. I got taken away from Cps back when I was a child. They did nothing wrong other than unsafe storage. But my dad would only use it for hunting purposes. He never. EVER. Threatened to harm us so when we got taken away we just didn’t really have a good reason to get taken away, now I can’t offer them help without them saying that we will get taken away again. Sorry this seems wonky but I have been trying to quickly sum up almost the problems that happened in the past 10 years. My parents, especially my dad are almost on the edge. How do I help them?? 😭
    • JaneVock
      Wed Nov 24 2021, 10:54
      Hi Connie,I strongly suggest you focus on getting help for yourself. It sounds like you feel responsible for your parents, and this is causing you great distress. Your parents are responsible for themselves and responsible for reaching out themselves for help. Please consider reaching out for support for yourself.
  • Lara
    Tue Sep 21 2021, 17:13
    I think my mum has depression and already has anxiety she is in anti depressent\anxiety but has never officially told me. What do I do because I think my dad blames me for it since I think I caused my mums anxiety,
    • JaneVock
      Wed Nov 24 2021, 10:52
      It isn't really possible for someone to cause another person to have anxiety or depression. I would consider encouraging your mum to see her family doctor about her anxiety and depression because there is really good help available for both now-both in terms of medication and counseling/therapy. All the best.
  • Kylie
    Fri Oct 15 2021, 02:49
    My mom has depression and last night I heard my mom balling her eyes out to my dad. My mom and dad were talking and I suddenly heard my mom say that my family would be better off without her. She won't talk to me and every time the word depression or anything about it my mom gets mad at me and my sister for saying something I want to call the Canada Suicide Prevention Service hotline but im scared of the way she will react. I don't know what to do!!!
    • JaneVock
      Wed Nov 24 2021, 10:40
      Hi Kylie,I would suggest you call this Hotline. You can have an anonymous conversation and get support for yourself! I hope your mom reaches out for help. Please take good care.
  • Nyla
    Mon Oct 25 2021, 14:51
    My dad got layed off a couple months ago and has been having trouble finding a job since. He’s a great man who just wants to take care of him family but now he feels like he can’t do that and he’s more depressed than ever. He has always had depression but I’ve never seen him this bad. He’s always alone in his office and when I see him it’s like he’s there physically but his mind is elsewhere. It doesn’t feel like anything I say or do is helping and I’m scared I’m losing my dad.
    • JaneVock
      Wed Nov 24 2021, 10:50
      I would strongly encourage your Dad to reach out to his family physician. The family physician will be able to provide an appropriate referral. Unemployment can have a real impact on one's mental health.
  • Daisy
    Wed Dec 08 2021, 17:27
    Hi, I have just found out my dad has got depression and I don’t know how to handle things. We always fight and don’t get along whatsoever. I’m not someone who knows how to express my emotions or approach people I know well, and I want to improve this. I always feel like my dad doesn’t love me, but I’ve realised that he’s having a hard time himself. My mum said he wants to seek help but I’m scared that he is depressed because of me. I want to tell him I love him, but I can’t. I feel terrible and out of my depth. I am 15, scared and feeling guilty. What should I do?
    • JaneVock
      Mon Dec 13 2021, 13:44
      Hi there Daisy,Please understand that we are never responsible for someone else's depression (or any other illness or condition). I do not want you to feel guilty about something that you are not responsible for. I would suggest you consider reaching out for some support for yourself, perhaps Kids Help. Here is a link for all they can offer:,%2D800%2D668%2D6868.Take good care, Jane
  • Jeanette
    Sat Dec 11 2021, 07:37
    I’m the depressed one. I’m a mother of 2 lovely children. I’m 60. My life is not a life. It’s sad, I want to kill myself. It’s the only solution to these ugly, dark thoughts of uselesses. I can’t even get out of bed. To pay the bills over the phone is an horrific situation. I can’t do this anymore. I’m writing this as a diary. It to show my kids, nothing, just talking to me why.
    • JaneVock
      Fri Jan 14 2022, 11:15
      Jeanette,Please seriously consider reaching out to your doctor about getting some help for your depression. You can also reach out talk to someone. Here are some options:833-456-4566. Here is a website:
  • Tk
    Thu Dec 30 2021, 04:25
    I’m writing as a 58 year old mom of 3 adult children (oldest is married) They all live locally. After several difficult things happened in my life, including a divorce after 33 years that I did not want the life I knew was unrecognizable. I have begged my ex to help me through this but he is harsh and makes me feel worthless. I live alone in the house and cannot work because my depression and anxiety are so severe. I had a particularly difficult night a few days ago and reached out to my kids and ex. I got no response. I spent my younger life totally devoted to my husband and kids. They were my whole world. I honestly feel adandoned and unloved. It is the worse pain I think a person can feel. Nights are so hard. I cry a lot and pray. This has been going on for 2 years. All I hear about are my mistakes. A sincere hug would be priceless. I don’t know what causes me to be so easy to ignore? I don’t understand how anyone can consider another human being disposable, but I feel disposable. My own mother just died recently. I cared for her until the very end. It’s what I was taught to do. I thought I taught that to my children by example. Being kind, helping others etc. Is wanting to be loved selfish? I’ve heard from my ex “it’s all about you” When I’ve begged for a hug or for him to come over and just help me through an anxiety attack. He never has. Going through them alone is hellish.Sorry for rambling.I found this at 4:24 AM while feeling so lonely and unloved.Thanks for the outlet ❤️
    • JaneVock
      Fri Jan 14 2022, 11:11
      I am glad we were able to be an outlet for you Tk. You may want to see your doctor about your anxiety-there are programs and medications that can be of assistance. Take good care, Jane
  • Jebediah Rogers
    Sat Mar 05 2022, 06:20
    Me and my mom used to literally do everything together last year before I got better I have a.d.d ocd and ptsd major anxiety and depression I had an aunt and friend sick and watched them die I quit using mmj which I’m glad I got back on it’s literally saved me we both are moody without it now that I’m better she doesn’t want to do anything everybody says it’s cause she’s older she’s only 66 I’m 39 and feeling fine that rhymes maybe I got a buzz now but just so sad for her she’s my mom and I love her signed concerned son
  • Maira
    Tue Mar 22 2022, 18:23
    Hi, my mom was always a happy person. She left her hometown and country for me and my siblings so we can get a better education. Recently, her mom died of covid and now she has no one. She looks at pictures of her mom all the time. She's been losing her eyesight, having hearing problems, and gaining weight. She compared herself to her more successful friend. She fights with my dad more and she's been very irritated lately. She's also getting amnesia. Ex: She'll ask about something she already had 5 mins ago and when I tell her she already asked me, she says that she doesn't remember. Im also not the type of daughter to say sweet and loving words. Im more of the straightforward type of person. What should I do, how should I help her?
    • JaneVock
      Mon Apr 18 2022, 12:02
      Hi Maira,Really, the best thing you can do is to strongly encourage your mom to see her doctor, that you are concerned about her wellbeing. It sounds like your mom is grieving. You may want to read our articles on grief at good care, Jane
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    • JaneVock
      Mon Apr 25 2022, 12:53
      Thanks for the kind word Stephaine.
  • Tasha
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  • Liam
    Sat Jun 04 2022, 06:38
    I think my mother has depressions and I just don't know what to do. I know how it feel because I have been diagnosed with depression but it's just hard for me to watch my mom struggle. I'm just a child and don't know what to do. I'm scared. Her health has gone worse. It's because she smokes. She has trouble breathing but she just smokes more. She has told me she wants to die. I have just realized it now. I want to help her.
    • JaneVock
      Mon Jun 13 2022, 10:03
      Hi Liam,This sounds like quite a difficult situation. As you are aware from your own depression, we can't 'fix' someone. All we can do is support and love them and strongly encourage them to get professional help. That is the best way you can help her! Please take care of you!Jane
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  • Monica Cleveland
    Tue Jul 05 2022, 13:32
    I’m the mom with major depression disorder and I have attempted suicide twice. My kids have completely turned their back on me and blocked me from their lives , which is making my depression worse. I have desperately tried to explain how I feel to them and they just don’t care to here anything I have to say. To them I’m guilt tripping them, manipulative, controlling or drama. I’m not sure what else I can do. They have hurt me so badly I cry every single morning. Our family has always been very close and always there for one another but not anymore. My depression has ruined our family and I’m not sure how to fix it when my kids won’t hear me out.
  • Chioma mary
    Mon Jul 18 2022, 09:37
    Well, per se, my own story is quite different I'm an only child of the family, my dad stays at abuja while i stay with my mom in the east although they are not fighting...but being an only child is so frustrating because everything seems to be on me, i can only talk to myself but i got to get the best friends ever, so it helped to reduce the gravity of depression on me.and all the depression was hard on me because of the lack of communication between my mom and i.these even led to me losing my sanity sometimes having nervous breakdown. But i overcame it by the help of my bestie,God and music But i noticed these days that she's(my mom) a drowning figure, always crying because of alot of challenges my family is going through. And now it's so freaking hard to talk to her about her problem I just need help to help her
  • ‏lewdle
    Wed Jul 27 2022, 06:00
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